Today on this uncertain Sunday morning in the midst of the worst world-wide pandemic since 1918 I can’t help but think of all the people all over the world who might be holding Sabbath services on their sofas. Individual prayers collectively whispering to the Spirit to heal our world, meet our needs, calm our fears, bring us peace.

As I awaken this morning, my mind begins to fill with anxiety and fear as I read the first news of the day on my phone: Italy is literally dying, COVID19 cannot be contained in the U.S., or anywhere else it seems, our world’s healthcare workers don’t have the protective gear they need and they are dying, even as they try in vain to save their patients, without ventilators, without enough money, staff and hospital beds. I am filled with grief and I begin to feel a sickening panic raise as I get out of bed to make the coffee…

As we sip our cups of coffee and discuss the day’s news, Patrick and I also begin to cautiously share our, unspoken up until this moment, innermost fears. Fear that the loss of income will result in unmet needs. Fear of being apart from my Mama, Patrick’s beloved Grandmother, who is all by herself and has been for three weeks thus far. My precious son quietly shares his previously silent, raw and deep fear of bringing home a virus that could possibly kill his mother. It breaks my heart that my health causes him to worry.

Some of my own fear is mightily selfish – that this pandemic will cancel the PET scan scheduled for 2 ½ weeks from today. I can live without breasts (my DIEP flap surgery is scheduled for June 3). I can live with these ugly scars where my breasts used to be for the rest of my life if I have to, but I can’t live without knowing that the metastasized cancer cells that have laid dormant since the last of the active ones were pulled out during my modified radical bilateral mastectomy just over a year ago, remain exactly so.

Fear is a deeply powerful thing, but only if we let it be.

And so, we come together to our God right here on the sofa… in the Living Church of the Socially Distanced – my son and I holding hands and intensely praying for our family members each by name, for our dear friends, for the world at large, and especially the healthcare workers, for the decision-makers, for a cure, for a Miracle. And we breathe in the Spirit, for our God is right here amidst His Church.

Fear is an unholy thing. Fear is a liar. Fear is a belief in a horrible future that hasn’t even happened. As we give in to fear – it takes over our thoughts and robs us of our Hope. The opposite of fear is Hope. And the reminder of God’s Hope is the best gift I can ever leave my son. If Patrick has nothing else, he still has Hope.

We talk about God’s promise of Hope. How even if comes to the point where I am no longer here to pray with him, God is always with Patrick and God will never leave him. How when we look back we can see that God has gotten us this far, even when it looked really impossible ( – complete loss of income and healthcare, finishing college when it was unfeasible, a reprieve from a certain death sentence, all the years of answered prayers when it was inconceivable that things could possibly turn out okay.) And how no matter how scary things appear, that we will always have the gift of Hope.

Hope is powerful. Hope is everything that fear can never be: Beautiful, Blessed, Better, Breakthrough.

We finish our prayers with the Our Father… Give us this day our DAILY bread. Daily bread. This perfect prayer that Jesus taught us reminds us that God meets our needs right where we are. Not two and half weeks from now, not 6 months from now (as we worry about what if, what if, what if…), but TODAY, “Give us this day our daily bread.”

I don’t know when we will be able to return to the Mass.  And I truly miss the ritual, the peace during the sacrament of Mass, and especially the Eucharist itself. But I know that where I am, God is too. Even if Church is held on the sofa with just one mother and her son.

Some of God’s promises about Hope:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13

Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Romans 5:1

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7

For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth. Psalm 71:5

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. Psalm 43:5

You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in your word. Psalm 119:114